The Jaded Review Issue 1 – Shut up Hippy
there are also the PDF files if you want to print your own and spread the love
Some friends of mine and I wrote this earlier this summer to pass out at festivals. Our dedication, abundance of time, and financial support allowed us to put out a first and final print run of a staggering 19 copies, yet despite the minimal print run hundreds of my friends seemed to have read it. So I’ve decided to offer it to the internet for the rest of you.
The zine wasn’t really finished as I wanted to have at least 8 pages, but I was busy with work and after awhile it didn’t really seem worth the effort… err i mean I offended myself so deeply while writing it that I had to stop. The original idea was a travel guide for newbies entering the festival circuit (doesnt matter if its the burningman-neo-pagan or the hippie jam band circuit theres a little something for everyone)
We started with the Guide to Euphamistic starchild terminology, explaining what these terms really mean. Theres a Astral Chakra Matrix (check out the online version) to help you create your own playa-name, tribe.net name, or the name of your fire-spinning troupe … whatever really.
Astral Chakra Matrix
Here is an online version of the astral chakra matrix. Now you can now magically manifest your prayerformance troupe name, playa-name or next cd name with ease. Simply refresh the page to ‘imagineer it”
And lastly theres a comic which you can fill in with your own adventures.
If you take offense to this be sure to write some angry letters!
This article was posted
on Sunday, October 14th, 2007 at 1:27 pm in the category: Funny, JadedReview.
October 14th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
this is horribly offensive!!111
October 14th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
i’m so horribly offended!!666
i’m what kind of tripe magazine is this?!!
*ahem, wait, let me switch to all caps so that you can feel my rage*
TEST TEST… THERE WE GO…. WHERE WAS I? OH YES->
…IS THIS?!! YOU PUT “SEE ALSO ‘TROLL’,” BUT THEN DIDN”T EVEN PUT A DEFINITION! YOU’VE SERIOUSLY OFFENDED MY MLA & APA SENSIBILITIES! TRIPE I SAY, TRIPE!
Otherwise, very enjoyable. =)
Cheers!
October 14th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
huh. need to edit that last post. Should say:
“what kind of tripe magazine is this?!!”
not:
“i’m what kind of….” etc.
sheesh. Who let me out on the internet today?
October 14th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
. . .err i mean I offended myself so deeply while writing it that I had to stop.
THAT means you should never stop! Great Work!!!
October 15th, 2007 at 1:19 am
trife!
January 20th, 2008 at 11:54 am
this is just like ambrose bierce’s old devil’s dictionary from 1911
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil%27s_dictionary
April 24th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Somebody needs a hug.
(( frigging hilarious. You are twisted geniuses, you need help but please don’t get any. We need more haters. When the cyborg wars come the hippies will be the first to burn. Hail Eris! ))
April 29th, 2008 at 11:47 am
having recently moved from the midwest to the west coast, i would just like to thank you for providing this valuable reference for deciphering the convoluted verbal affectations of hippie culture.
April 29th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Don’t forget this one….
Home: (see Burningman, see playa): 1) temporary abode 2) a place where out of work, slackers and hippies hang out for a period time between couch surfing on friend’s sofas due to unemployment or lack of motivation or general antipathy towards work or responsibility.
April 29th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
…and this one:
miracle: the unrealistic expectation that the universe gives a fuck about what you want
without you ever making the first
effort to acquire it by conventional
means such as working for it.
April 30th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
[...] Our good pal M~ sent a snarky list of “hippie words and phrases and what they really [...]
May 1st, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Sacred or Sacreed Alchemy — the unfounded belief in physical processes which transform (also transmute) the the physical structure of on object into another. Though physically impossible on the the atomic scale, there have been reported instances in which hippies in dire situations have been reported to be able to transmute aluminum cans into copper pennies though no strong citations for such rare instances.
Astral Flight — a ritualized practice in which visions or sensations of being physically ‘out of’ one’s body and in another time and/or dimension. Usually induced by by inhaling copious amounts of other people’s $80 a gram bud and drinking cheap Chilean Chianti. Objective scientific analysis has determined that these semi-psychotic episodes usually take place with ass planted firmly in front of roommate’s TV while watching evening re-run episodes of ‘Friends’ or Saturday morning cartoons.
Attunement of the Sacred Prayer Stick — (aka ‘jerking off’) A physical form of yoga practiced by hippie males in the absence of Goddesses.
Didgeridoo player — 1) a gay man 2) the act of fellatio by one man on another.
Positive aura – in a social setting, the realization by others that a profound physiological transformation has taken place to a hippie
(see ’shower)
Channeling — (see ’schizophrenia’)
Geopathic Zone — any town, city, state where a hippie has drained the emotional and/or economic resources of every person he or she knows in that particular area.
September 28th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Brilliant! The three column matrix is dope! Let me know if you need contributing editorials!