The title would be something like the Blessing from The Magical Springs of Life, or Elven Elixir or Inner Sanctum or something like that. It would be written in some horribly tacky script font with an external glow around it.
Then you would pop in the cd and would spend the next 15 minutes in a guided meditation to your inner-snail and embrace it and bring its lessons to your everyday life.
This is of course after you send me the one time payment of 300 dollars for the cd.